Understanding the Choice.

     There is always that nagging question about who is right. Which belief is the right one. Am I right? Am I thinking about this correctly? It can be a simple question or complex one, though it can often be over-simplified. Is. There. A. God? Yes - or - No. Too Simple. What does that answer say about yourself? 

     When I ask this question, I break it down into Five possibilities. Also, I view it between myself & one other, plus an unseen third. That will make sense in a minute.

1. We're Both Right.
2. I'm Right, You're Wrong.
3. I'm Wrong, You're Right.
4. We're Both Wrong.
5. No God.

And yes, I'm blending the term God/Power/Energy into one word. It easily get more complicated if you let it. So this is a simplified view to get an answer, not get lost on the path to the question.

     What do you do then with these choices? Just pick like before (when there were only two)? No, instead I look at it by how each choice would affect me. Words aren't as important as the context of them, just as answers aren't as important as the reasons to have them. Also, to be secure in your choice, you should be able to remain in good spirits when/if you're wrong.

1.  We're Both Right.

This is my philosophy. I don't believe in the line of thought that one is grander than another. I believe something exists, you believe something exists. Who is to say one is Wrong? We all have our own opinions, those opinions shape how we view things, and this would lead to different interpretations of ideas such as the existence of a god or greater power. What Person A thinks to be truth may be worded differently than that of Person B, but from this point of view... they're both right. They're simply interpreting (it) in a different way. If I'm wrong: I'm at peace with how I live my life. No regrets.

My only gripe would be of people that change because of someone else. "My wife is <this>, so now I am." It's the personal belief & following it through that counts, not simply saying it.

2.  I'm Right. You're Wrong. & 3. I'm Wrong, You're Right.

In the greater scale, I'd prefer not to ally myself with someone who judges off someone's mere belief. So with this thought, I don't subscribe to these ideas. If I'm wrong: i'm still 'good' with #2 and in #3 I'm in trouble... but I'm not bothered by it. Either of these options would cause anger toward said god from me... so it wouldn't work out anyways.

4.  We're Both Wrong.

Person A & Person B got it wrong. The god expects different. Some unseen person C got it right. Person C is saved, but A & B are screwed. If I'm Wrong: The same as my reaction to #3

5.  No God.

Person A & Person B believed in something that didn't exist. Life is wasted... or is it? If I'm wrong: Then what? I die. No time for remorse or regret. This is of course assuming I had reason to feel bad about my life.

     Is there an issue with being wrong? I don't think so. I think you're missing out if you don't try to figure it out nor do I feel you can be Right if you don't try to understand it and really take it in. Though again, so what if I'm wrong? What do I have to say about that? In the greater scheme, being wrong could have consequences.  In option two I would live well, but know it was for (what I consider to be) the wrong reasons. In option three... well... I'm probably going to have some issues. The same goes with option four by being wrong and having to deal with a jealous and unforgiving godly entity. I'm not going to enjoy life for a while. And in the fifth option, I cease to exist. It's this last one that really shows who  you are.

     No matter what we choose, there is a chance we're wrong. We'll have to deal with that after death. In life, we can deal with our choices all while being aware that we might be wrong. I'd like to think that dealing with it here, would make our spirits stronger for when we deal with it after death. So again, number five is where it really beings. What If: There Is No God? How can you deal with being SO very wrong that your entire life has no 'greater scheme', no 'Greater Purpose'? Being wrong implies a wasted life in this scenario. I have dealt with this by being content with who I am, what I am, and how I have lived my life... regardless of the answer. Some nonbelievers like to question people like me & they get my answer.

Atheist:  So you believe in a god? What if he doesn't exist? Wouldn't that mean you wasted your life?

Me:  So what if there's no god? I'm happy how I am. There's no loss in looking out for and being nice to others. I'd want to live this way regardless.

     What is annoying is when you turn that question around. What if there IS a God? Then what? All too often that answer is, "There is no god, so I have nothing to worry about." It's annoying because they wouldn't accept such an answer from me and also because it shows a distinct lack of Their understand of their own choice.

Path to Spirituality

     I was raised Catholic. So needless to say, my familiarity is with Christianity. While other religions can be interesting I found myself enjoying the questions more than the answers. Don't get me wrong, I have a belief & I have a soul. I just never cared to find a religion that could tell me everything. I prefer to ask the questions and find the answers myself.

     I had a very strong faith growing up. I wore a cross around my neck in public high school (before it became a weird fashion statement). My priest went on a Sabbatical and came back with a bunch of these crosses blessed by the pope. My mother then secretly took it and fitted it with a nice chain and made it wearable. So to be fair it is as much personal as it is holy. I love my mom and I don't hide it to anyone. I remember being questioned both of faith and simply of wearing something so visibly. Then I'd go to the youth group at church and people would look to me... for having the strength to wear my belief so publicly. Most of them went to a private Catholic school, so doing the same (wearing their belief on their chest) didn't hold the same for them.

     During my years in high school, I had a falling out with one of my sisters. I identified myself so much through her, that without... I was lost. As any Christian would, I reached out to God for help. I found out really quick that it is easy to ask questions, but difficult to hear any answers. That's probably a universal truth. When we ask questions, we KNOW how we would like it answered. If the answer isn't liked or even expected... sometimes we ignore it, fight it, or simply run away. It took me a lot of focus to listen. I had to open my eyes to everything, to anything. Surely God wouldn't speak directly; (besides) if I saw a burning bush I'd either extinguish it or run...  This may have been the beginnings of Meditation: Focusing on what I needed answered & Listening to the World. When you don't know who will answer (or how), everyone & everything is important. Ignoring on bias is still ignoring a potential answer.

     I ended up getting my answer in church, but it took a lot of work. I originally learned how to Listen while at church. I believe it has a lot to do with the atmosphere that is ever present, in and out of mass. It is really easy to pray/meditate in a church/temple. There are three readings from the bible at every mass on Sundays. I noticed that in the pews were books that had all of the readings along with some thoughts about them prefaced. I made a habit of reading them, then reading along with the speaker all while Listening for my answer. (I'm glad I can multitask conversations pretty well.) After the gospel reading, the priest would break it down in simpler terms. After communion, while waiting for everyone to get through the line (it was a decent sized congregation), people would either sit silently or kneel and pray. I became one of the guys kneeling. In truth I was in deep throught and in deep prayer. I couldn't tell you what I thought on each week, but I can say that that I use the word 'deep' to it's fullest. I lost myself in that prayer. In it, I ended up somewhere between a focused prayer and a form of meditation... this is assuming that the two aren't related or possibly even the same. I was still focused on my questions (or given answers) for the church day, but I was also free. My mind was free from all of that analytical thought that is ever persistent in my mind. What did finally break me from my cycle of depression, or more specifically from being lost? One day the head priest said something in his sermon that I'll never forget. He said, "Don't ask God to lighten your load, instead ask that he strengthen your back." The stronger you are, the more you can carry. Again, a universal truth. There will always be stress and problems, it is your ability to carry yourself that defines if you can move forward.

     I'm not positive what got me to question myself & my beliefs. I had already asked weird question with an open mind such as, "What if the dinosaurs left in a space ship?" Yes it sounds silly, but the ability to question logic allows for deeper thought. Besides, maybe they did... I prefer the perspective of being 99% sure, but still leaving that 1%. I won't know for sure until I die. Should nothing exist, then by not existing and therefore not being able to know... I would still have my answer. But losing one's self seems to me a good way to start looking around. It might have been the catalyst to take my fun questions into real consideration about my beliefs and who I am.

     How do spacefaring dinosaurs affect my thoughts? Well, It's not in a direct sense; the answer to that question is just fun. It allowed me to take the first real steps in Spiritual Self Discovery. Does God exist? I finally started to question my own reality. To do so does not weaken you, unless you allow it to. Instead, being critical lets me understand what & why I believe. If I cannot be defeated by my own critique, then how can someone throw their beliefs on me? (It cannot be a real critique unless you ask the hard questions.) My beliefs then become solid, open to question, but solid to statement.

     Ultimately, what caused this change isn't what is important. The importance is that I can question and be questioned of my thoughts while standing firm... and yet I can take those questions in as to see if they are worth their salt. What I believe is what I believe. I have no reason to force others to change, but I have every reason to evolve until I have no other answers. There are always a lot of questions, so this has quickly become a very fun & interesting journey.