The Relationship 'Struggle'

There’s an issue in a relationship that can be a problem if not addressed carefully. We can choose the people we date, but we can’t choose the people we fall for. Sometimes there will be differences; in this scenario that difference is belief. How is someone to get past the difference so that it doesn't hinder the relationship?  In my case, I’m… a Spiritualist and my wife is Hindu. When a friend entered a similar situation, I found a way to put this into words so that it might help him. Be aware though, that any school of thought can replace my life or my example.

My wife and I have different beliefs, but it doesn't cause a problem. Here's how it works for me.

She talks to me about Hindu history and its gods. She involves me in the rituals and brings me with her to the temples. There are many temples out here, but even in ‘the States’ there is still at least one or two in any given city. And there is always something to do in them. While my ever changing beliefs may encompass hers at some point, they may also be in stark contrast. But it doesn't even matter.

There are two things to come away with.

1: Respect.

2: Her Passion.

The first is simple; if she's to respect your beliefs and hear them out, then you're to also respect her beliefs… no matter how crazy they may sound to you.

But the more important part is the passion. See, my wife's belief is something VERY close to her. And it's a TRUE belief. She's not Hindu because it's convenient… she's truly and fully Hindu. Her beliefs, performing the rituals, and visiting the temples are something that makes her Happy. To that end, she wants me to join in because it is a part of the Happiness that she wants to have me included with. Because I respect her beliefs and because she's not doing it out of convenience, but truly believes… AND because it makes her really happy, it makes me want to join in and participate. I'm included in a part of her life that makes her very happy, even if it is different from my own life in this regard. When the priest of the temple is talking or the family priest is performing a rite, it's not about what he's saying that matters. It is about that smile and devoutness on my wife's face. That's what matters.

While my life doesn’t fit the norm, a more common situation would be between an Atheist and a Christian. Imagine that you’re the Atheist and your S.O. is the Christian. If you go to your girl’s church with her, it isn’t about what the pastor is saying; it's about HER. It makes her happy, so you join in on this section of her life that makes her happy. By being there you'll make her even happier. Focus on the light of her smile, not what the pastor says. It's about her, not the speaker. So long as she doesn't try to convert you, everything is okay and everything is cool.

And then you can take it a step further. Learn about her beliefs. By going to church you can learn about it, first hand. Education doesn't require belief, nor does it require you to think it's true. Educate yourself not by what the crazies say on Facebook or at work, but by what the actual teacher of the school (of thought) has to say. Songs aren't an issue in Christian church, there are usually lyrics available. You just have to sing them and try to participate. When there are readings, listen to them. When the sermon starts, listen and hear how it is interpreted. Also, just because some people in a particular church may believe a story or bible reading a very specific way, I guarantee you not everyone does.

A good question to ask yourself is what DO you know about Christianity? Forget it all; learn it from here (the church your S.O. goes to). Besides there are different forms: Protestant, Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, etc. Then Non-Denominational churches and there aren’t specifics as to how each one will operate or believe. Learn this one's specifics. And then past that you can learn about what it is your partner believes. She's not guaranteed to follow it exactly, but don't get hung up on these specifics. The only specifics that matter are that God makes her happy and YOU make her happy. The two together would simply be awesome to her. Your philosophy be damned. It makes her happy, so it's worth it.

Labeling Beliefs

     I hold a belief. I have spent time finding out what it is I think, what I feel, & what seems to make sense. I suppose you could say I've always held a belief, technically that’s true. I mean, as a child I believed that there was a world out there. As I grew, I learned about God and believed in him. Later on that there are spirits/souls out there without a suit of their own. As I became a teen I started to ask ‘why’ after some hard times occurred. From the very beginning, we all hold a belief. Even NOT believing is a belief in its own right. (Please note that I’ll write something up on that last part later. There is a bit of obscurity on that one. Wording is key, as is with anything.)

     Having a belief then, doesn't mean much. As with many things, it is the substance that has value. What do you believe? What then… are you? Oddly the belief itself often comes second to the categorization of it. The category is a bit ambiguous. What I might consider to work, others might not. A category has a rule on what makes it so, yet there is always grey area. A poster in my mailbox is still IN my mailbox even if half is hanging out. It fulfills the category even with something leftover.

     This is how I view religions… well “organized” religions. I don’t know if there is a difference between ‘Organized Religion’ & simply saying ‘Religion’. They’re used the same. “What’s your religion?” is just short for, “What organization of religion are you a part of?” That is something I wonder about. Why the need for classification and what does it mean if you lack the ‘required’ organization. I’m a Spiritualist if I *need* to be defined, but what of the Catholics, Muslims, Jewish, Hindus, or Non-denominational groups? And to take two of those a step further, what of Christians (Non-denominational & Catholics)?

     All of these groupings have a familiarity attached to them. Anyone that is a member has common attributes, or rather common beliefs. While there are common thoughts within a religion; it is another thing to say ALL thoughts are common among them. We all have differences in our beliefs due to our own perceptions. This makes the idea of a ‘One True Religion’ a hard concept. If all Christians have slightly different thoughts about all the nuances that makes someone Christian, then how can Christianity be 100% correct?... when it isn't agreed upon completely by its subscribers. It doesn't falsify any truths within mind you. Just as science has known facts… new knowledge can change those facts yet still hold the truths outside of the changed concept. The same holds true for Spiritual Knowledge.

     One of the biggest issues I have with organized religion is the idea of worship. Simply put, I refuse it. I refuse to worship someone(/thing) simply because they are superior to me in some way. If someone wants my respect they’re welcome to have it. But worship? I don’t deal well with people that expect or need to be looked up to. In my mind ALL are equal. All are on a level playing field: Gods, advanced races, ourselves, & dogs… past all of our physical selves, we’re equal. Nothing will get my submission simply because. To me, a god or driving energy should be something close, something personal. I would rather view a god as a best friend than something I’m unworthy to look upon. If you've ever made a friend out of a boss or parent, then this concept should be easy to understand.

     Although I’m not fond of labeling faiths, I’ll admit that it does aid in a basic understanding of another’s beliefs. With a label, one can easily state a lot of information in a word or phrase. Even as a self-described Spiritualist, there is still meaning. Positive meaning. What we could do without are labels that aren't so positive or simply are too vague. Pagan is one such word… told to the world that Non-Christians are Pagan. There are many Powerful & Personal beliefs that are swept under this term. How about instead of having a world where we find the ‘One True Religion’, we embrace all religions, learn all religions, and discover the greater truths that are nigh impossible to decipher on our own?

Where is the Black Cat?

     While anyone can go to Wikipedia to see why this analogy is wrong (*cough*), let’s delve into it just a little bit shall we? I saw this for the first time a few days ago and honestly I’m a little appalled by it. Philosophy is. Theology is. Science is. (I’m ignoring metaphysics.) Theology is more about the study of a religion. This does not preclude that the theologist believes in a god, or the god that they’re currently studying.

     So my first question would be: If belief isn't required to be a Theologist, but theology is like finding a cat in a dark room, then does this not work against the extremists that created this picture? The theologist found the cat, which could then therefore say that they found a god. I haven’t seen it used this way, but if you’re going to knock it, you should word it better. No one needs to study religion to believe in something greater. Just as no one needs to study science in order for a watch to tell time.

     A belief is simply that: a belief. I would have sooner expected this picture to say “religion”. It’s not entirely accurate as it does not encompass all believers, but it gets used generically enough that it still would be a better use than Theology. I've only seen this (example/picture) used to knock (down) believers, so I again think that this is what was intended. But where am I going exactly? There seems to be this “common” notion by atheist extremists that atheism and science go hand in hand. Furthermore, they will say that one cannot believe in god and science at the same time. Beliefs and Sciences are separate things. I can believe in something beyond this life and also believe in evolution. If you disagree with me, then we have an issue… because I do believe the earth is billions of years old, that homo-sapiens and monkeys both evolved from a common ancestor that was neither monkey nor humans as we see them today. I also accept that we can date the earth to the last Ice Age via Dendrochronology. So all this talk about Science being an atheist’s proof? I don’t buy it. Not everyone believes as Christians do and that “what’s out there” is specifically an omni-potent god. There are other ideas out there, other ideas that fully accept science. Fully. Completely. Atheism and Science. Theism and Science. Both work. Neither disproves the other.

     So my second question would be: Why do people think Science is specific to a belief style? Just because a religious zealot says “Science is a religion!” doesn't mean the rest of us agree with that notion. There’s no reason to take an extremist’s point of view and declare it upon everyone else. We’re not them. You’re not them. Don’t be them. And no, not seeing god isn't your scientific proof to be an atheist. Prove to the rest of us that the wind doesn't exist. You can’t see that. You say it affects you, that you can feel it. If you cannot give the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you can’t witness things as others can… then you’re not doing science justly. Science accepts the fact that perhaps they’re doing it wrong, perhaps more knowledge is needed to see the next truth, and that one cannot go into an experiment with an expectation of the result. You can think you might know… that’s a hypothesis, but expecting to know and then stopping pursuit once you find “proof”? That’s not following the Method. Also, a “lack of proof” from theists (not that theists state they’re lacking any) isn't a justified answer. For one, it isn't a scientific approach. Secondly, what is a belief if you’re just taking what others say or don’t say? Not much, I’ll tell you that.

     So this leads me to my final question. This is the one I find interesting. Everyone is in a room looking for a cat. The scientist is using a flashlight, and I assume this means that they will find it. So here’s my (third and original) question: What is Science’s reaction when they spot the black cat… being held by Theology? After all, Theology did find the cat when Science was still looking.

Extra thoughts to think on:

1.  It states that the cat isn't there for Metaphysics and Theology. This is an unfair analogy because either the cat IS there for all, or is NOT there for all.  So we have options. 2 – No Cat, 3 - Cat
2. It depicts science as the smartest of the four choices, yet science also got duped into searching for a black cat in a dark room. Assuming the cat isn't there since again it only states when the cat isn't there, but never states that there IS actually a cat present.
3. There is a cat, but it simply is not in the room. So Philosophy, Metaphysics, and Science are looking in a room where there is no cat.  Yet Theology found the cat that isn't in the room. How? Well maybe the door is open, or maybe it’s on the other side of the window. We might live in a box, but the extra spice to life is being able to both Think and See outside of it.

A question while I'm out of town.

Once I was sitting in a room, lost in thought. Suddenly I felt like I was being watched... But more so because I saw the image of myself from above. (I was looking down at myself from a distance of about 10 feet.)

So my question is: Did I remote sense myself or did I have an out of body experience?

Also, I'd appreciate it if you guys would comment on my blog. That way I can see them years to come and so that your thoughts and ideas can fuel my own. :)

Much Appreciated.
~GakFace

Understanding the Choice.

     There is always that nagging question about who is right. Which belief is the right one. Am I right? Am I thinking about this correctly? It can be a simple question or complex one, though it can often be over-simplified. Is. There. A. God? Yes - or - No. Too Simple. What does that answer say about yourself? 

     When I ask this question, I break it down into Five possibilities. Also, I view it between myself & one other, plus an unseen third. That will make sense in a minute.

1. We're Both Right.
2. I'm Right, You're Wrong.
3. I'm Wrong, You're Right.
4. We're Both Wrong.
5. No God.

And yes, I'm blending the term God/Power/Energy into one word. It easily get more complicated if you let it. So this is a simplified view to get an answer, not get lost on the path to the question.

     What do you do then with these choices? Just pick like before (when there were only two)? No, instead I look at it by how each choice would affect me. Words aren't as important as the context of them, just as answers aren't as important as the reasons to have them. Also, to be secure in your choice, you should be able to remain in good spirits when/if you're wrong.

1.  We're Both Right.

This is my philosophy. I don't believe in the line of thought that one is grander than another. I believe something exists, you believe something exists. Who is to say one is Wrong? We all have our own opinions, those opinions shape how we view things, and this would lead to different interpretations of ideas such as the existence of a god or greater power. What Person A thinks to be truth may be worded differently than that of Person B, but from this point of view... they're both right. They're simply interpreting (it) in a different way. If I'm wrong: I'm at peace with how I live my life. No regrets.

My only gripe would be of people that change because of someone else. "My wife is <this>, so now I am." It's the personal belief & following it through that counts, not simply saying it.

2.  I'm Right. You're Wrong. & 3. I'm Wrong, You're Right.

In the greater scale, I'd prefer not to ally myself with someone who judges off someone's mere belief. So with this thought, I don't subscribe to these ideas. If I'm wrong: i'm still 'good' with #2 and in #3 I'm in trouble... but I'm not bothered by it. Either of these options would cause anger toward said god from me... so it wouldn't work out anyways.

4.  We're Both Wrong.

Person A & Person B got it wrong. The god expects different. Some unseen person C got it right. Person C is saved, but A & B are screwed. If I'm Wrong: The same as my reaction to #3

5.  No God.

Person A & Person B believed in something that didn't exist. Life is wasted... or is it? If I'm wrong: Then what? I die. No time for remorse or regret. This is of course assuming I had reason to feel bad about my life.

     Is there an issue with being wrong? I don't think so. I think you're missing out if you don't try to figure it out nor do I feel you can be Right if you don't try to understand it and really take it in. Though again, so what if I'm wrong? What do I have to say about that? In the greater scheme, being wrong could have consequences.  In option two I would live well, but know it was for (what I consider to be) the wrong reasons. In option three... well... I'm probably going to have some issues. The same goes with option four by being wrong and having to deal with a jealous and unforgiving godly entity. I'm not going to enjoy life for a while. And in the fifth option, I cease to exist. It's this last one that really shows who  you are.

     No matter what we choose, there is a chance we're wrong. We'll have to deal with that after death. In life, we can deal with our choices all while being aware that we might be wrong. I'd like to think that dealing with it here, would make our spirits stronger for when we deal with it after death. So again, number five is where it really beings. What If: There Is No God? How can you deal with being SO very wrong that your entire life has no 'greater scheme', no 'Greater Purpose'? Being wrong implies a wasted life in this scenario. I have dealt with this by being content with who I am, what I am, and how I have lived my life... regardless of the answer. Some nonbelievers like to question people like me & they get my answer.

Atheist:  So you believe in a god? What if he doesn't exist? Wouldn't that mean you wasted your life?

Me:  So what if there's no god? I'm happy how I am. There's no loss in looking out for and being nice to others. I'd want to live this way regardless.

     What is annoying is when you turn that question around. What if there IS a God? Then what? All too often that answer is, "There is no god, so I have nothing to worry about." It's annoying because they wouldn't accept such an answer from me and also because it shows a distinct lack of Their understand of their own choice.

Path to Spirituality

     I was raised Catholic. So needless to say, my familiarity is with Christianity. While other religions can be interesting I found myself enjoying the questions more than the answers. Don't get me wrong, I have a belief & I have a soul. I just never cared to find a religion that could tell me everything. I prefer to ask the questions and find the answers myself.

     I had a very strong faith growing up. I wore a cross around my neck in public high school (before it became a weird fashion statement). My priest went on a Sabbatical and came back with a bunch of these crosses blessed by the pope. My mother then secretly took it and fitted it with a nice chain and made it wearable. So to be fair it is as much personal as it is holy. I love my mom and I don't hide it to anyone. I remember being questioned both of faith and simply of wearing something so visibly. Then I'd go to the youth group at church and people would look to me... for having the strength to wear my belief so publicly. Most of them went to a private Catholic school, so doing the same (wearing their belief on their chest) didn't hold the same for them.

     During my years in high school, I had a falling out with one of my sisters. I identified myself so much through her, that without... I was lost. As any Christian would, I reached out to God for help. I found out really quick that it is easy to ask questions, but difficult to hear any answers. That's probably a universal truth. When we ask questions, we KNOW how we would like it answered. If the answer isn't liked or even expected... sometimes we ignore it, fight it, or simply run away. It took me a lot of focus to listen. I had to open my eyes to everything, to anything. Surely God wouldn't speak directly; (besides) if I saw a burning bush I'd either extinguish it or run...  This may have been the beginnings of Meditation: Focusing on what I needed answered & Listening to the World. When you don't know who will answer (or how), everyone & everything is important. Ignoring on bias is still ignoring a potential answer.

     I ended up getting my answer in church, but it took a lot of work. I originally learned how to Listen while at church. I believe it has a lot to do with the atmosphere that is ever present, in and out of mass. It is really easy to pray/meditate in a church/temple. There are three readings from the bible at every mass on Sundays. I noticed that in the pews were books that had all of the readings along with some thoughts about them prefaced. I made a habit of reading them, then reading along with the speaker all while Listening for my answer. (I'm glad I can multitask conversations pretty well.) After the gospel reading, the priest would break it down in simpler terms. After communion, while waiting for everyone to get through the line (it was a decent sized congregation), people would either sit silently or kneel and pray. I became one of the guys kneeling. In truth I was in deep throught and in deep prayer. I couldn't tell you what I thought on each week, but I can say that that I use the word 'deep' to it's fullest. I lost myself in that prayer. In it, I ended up somewhere between a focused prayer and a form of meditation... this is assuming that the two aren't related or possibly even the same. I was still focused on my questions (or given answers) for the church day, but I was also free. My mind was free from all of that analytical thought that is ever persistent in my mind. What did finally break me from my cycle of depression, or more specifically from being lost? One day the head priest said something in his sermon that I'll never forget. He said, "Don't ask God to lighten your load, instead ask that he strengthen your back." The stronger you are, the more you can carry. Again, a universal truth. There will always be stress and problems, it is your ability to carry yourself that defines if you can move forward.

     I'm not positive what got me to question myself & my beliefs. I had already asked weird question with an open mind such as, "What if the dinosaurs left in a space ship?" Yes it sounds silly, but the ability to question logic allows for deeper thought. Besides, maybe they did... I prefer the perspective of being 99% sure, but still leaving that 1%. I won't know for sure until I die. Should nothing exist, then by not existing and therefore not being able to know... I would still have my answer. But losing one's self seems to me a good way to start looking around. It might have been the catalyst to take my fun questions into real consideration about my beliefs and who I am.

     How do spacefaring dinosaurs affect my thoughts? Well, It's not in a direct sense; the answer to that question is just fun. It allowed me to take the first real steps in Spiritual Self Discovery. Does God exist? I finally started to question my own reality. To do so does not weaken you, unless you allow it to. Instead, being critical lets me understand what & why I believe. If I cannot be defeated by my own critique, then how can someone throw their beliefs on me? (It cannot be a real critique unless you ask the hard questions.) My beliefs then become solid, open to question, but solid to statement.

     Ultimately, what caused this change isn't what is important. The importance is that I can question and be questioned of my thoughts while standing firm... and yet I can take those questions in as to see if they are worth their salt. What I believe is what I believe. I have no reason to force others to change, but I have every reason to evolve until I have no other answers. There are always a lot of questions, so this has quickly become a very fun & interesting journey.

Call me Immune to the salt. Call me the Penny in the Rough.

(This is the last of the writings I'm sharing from my Facebook notes.)

Background to the writing:
There was a video of someone telling the story about the college student taking a class where the professor said, "If God exists, he'll stop this chalk from breaking when it hits the floor!" And the chalk slipped, and due to friction on the prof's clothes and shoe.. the chalk didn't break. There's a little more to the story as well as something talking about the christian faith after. I don't recall the name, but that might enlighten you if you're wondering what brought me to write this one.

Call me Immune to the salt. Call me the Penny in the Rough.

I find myself in the middle of a debate with a believer and an atheist which started from a video. A video that I saw simply as inspirational.

It is becoming quickly apparent to me that I am seeing things from a different angle than is expected of me. The expected angle is a bit startling seeing how it walks the path of the crude and undermining.

I feel that I need to establish a few things. The Church. Christianity. (short on that one, I promise) Grains of Salt and the Ostrich.

Firstly, Churches and their use in the common day. Know reading this that I come from a christian background so my terminology springs from it, replace Church with the name that applies to anything similar. They have two great uses. The first is the obvious.. to learn. To learn about your beliefs. You'll learn about things you agree with and then some that you won't. This is salt. This will be explained shortly. The second is to commune with others. Sure, you are saying to yourself, "I don't need to go to a church to meet and greet with others." In part you would be correct, but also in part you would also not be understanding what the church is. It is a group, a community. There are groups for all sorts of interests.. guns, ghosts, perversions, the color yellow, movies... you name it, you got a group for it. People go to these groups not only to LEARN about the topic, but also to be among others that share the same viewpoint. A common ground where one knows that they'll fit in no matter what. Sounds like the reasons to go to a church doesn't it?

Next is Christianity.
It seems that some will look at Christians and then be disgusted about how they (the Christians) will show their belief and then go so far as to say that their way is the right way and all others should "see the light" or see fire and flame. Be disgusted if you choose to be, but realize where they're coming from. They're not called CHRISTians for no reason. CHRIST, that's part of the name and why is it? To a Christian there is Christ, Jesus Christ. Your Savior. (Heaven's James Bond?) To not believe CHRIST to be who he is said to be... is to go against a fundamental of the religion. They believe that without him, you will perish. It's pretty black and white, they want you to share their fate, as opposed to the "fires and flames". What's my point you wonder? Simply that no matter where you go, you will find Christians that will boldly state what they believe and why you should too. It quite simply is part of their religion to do so. It happens. Is this salt to you?

And the real mention, the Salt and the Ostrich.
(No this isn't some crazed children's story I just thought up.)
Salt has many meanings, but the usage here is "with a grain of salt." An easy way to to delve into this is to look at an internet forum. There will be a lot of useful and factual information there, but all the same there will be a lot half-truths and untrue information.. and for some reason an Ostrich. Initially everything needs to be read and taken in "with a grain of salt." Simply because until you see it all, you won't be able to discern the truth from the lies. The Penny from the Salt... and the Ostrich. The Ostrich being that piece of information that has absolutely nothing to do with anything, much like it has nothing to do with what I type here.

This expected path that I was deemed expected to take is filled with salt, the penny, and the Ostrich. The path I take instead has a Penny, and some junk in the corner out of my way... probably the remains of whatever the Ostrich ate.. not sure, don't care. I don't see the "evil religious tactics" that reside within the video because I've taken it with a grain of salt, it doesn't apply beyond a reason to hate. I have no reason to hate, it's a grain of salt. I also don't see the end where it speaks of a man talking about his faith to a crowd. Good for him, I don't care. It is salt to me. What I saw was the message. The message isn't to hate people who are devout in their beliefs (which to the two that know of which I speak.. applies to both the believer and the atheist in the video), nor is it to talk about the one and only way or you shall burn in hell. If these things were the topics, I'd expect them touched on more. What I did see was a message of inspiration, which seems to apply beyond the realm of religion. To me, it said that one should believe (or think) what they believe (or think) regardless of the opposition against them. And that even when things seem dire and out of their favor.. (it) does not rule out the possibility that things will turn out alright. This in the Penny in the Rough.

As one would come to expect if you have read anything I've written before.. I've eluded to one more topic. Religion and everyone's thoughts.
This one is simple. Pick an organized religion. Now take 30 people within that and have them talk about what they believe. I am willing to say that the group will not be 100% on everything. There will be differences, but there will also be commonalities. Organized religions are for the reasons I stated above, but in the end, Religion is a personal thing. What you take from it will be different than what the person you sit next to today will take from it. No one is necessarily wrong either, merely different.

Though I will say this. IF there are differences among men (and women) within an organized religion, then one might infer that it is not a set way of life. If this holds true, then this would mean that there will be grains of salt everywhere.

The question is simple: Which grains of salt will be tossed away, and which will preserve (your food)?

-- Joe