The Relationship 'Struggle'

There’s an issue in a relationship that can be a problem if not addressed carefully. We can choose the people we date, but we can’t choose the people we fall for. Sometimes there will be differences; in this scenario that difference is belief. How is someone to get past the difference so that it doesn't hinder the relationship?  In my case, I’m… a Spiritualist and my wife is Hindu. When a friend entered a similar situation, I found a way to put this into words so that it might help him. Be aware though, that any school of thought can replace my life or my example.

My wife and I have different beliefs, but it doesn't cause a problem. Here's how it works for me.

She talks to me about Hindu history and its gods. She involves me in the rituals and brings me with her to the temples. There are many temples out here, but even in ‘the States’ there is still at least one or two in any given city. And there is always something to do in them. While my ever changing beliefs may encompass hers at some point, they may also be in stark contrast. But it doesn't even matter.

There are two things to come away with.

1: Respect.

2: Her Passion.

The first is simple; if she's to respect your beliefs and hear them out, then you're to also respect her beliefs… no matter how crazy they may sound to you.

But the more important part is the passion. See, my wife's belief is something VERY close to her. And it's a TRUE belief. She's not Hindu because it's convenient… she's truly and fully Hindu. Her beliefs, performing the rituals, and visiting the temples are something that makes her Happy. To that end, she wants me to join in because it is a part of the Happiness that she wants to have me included with. Because I respect her beliefs and because she's not doing it out of convenience, but truly believes… AND because it makes her really happy, it makes me want to join in and participate. I'm included in a part of her life that makes her very happy, even if it is different from my own life in this regard. When the priest of the temple is talking or the family priest is performing a rite, it's not about what he's saying that matters. It is about that smile and devoutness on my wife's face. That's what matters.

While my life doesn’t fit the norm, a more common situation would be between an Atheist and a Christian. Imagine that you’re the Atheist and your S.O. is the Christian. If you go to your girl’s church with her, it isn’t about what the pastor is saying; it's about HER. It makes her happy, so you join in on this section of her life that makes her happy. By being there you'll make her even happier. Focus on the light of her smile, not what the pastor says. It's about her, not the speaker. So long as she doesn't try to convert you, everything is okay and everything is cool.

And then you can take it a step further. Learn about her beliefs. By going to church you can learn about it, first hand. Education doesn't require belief, nor does it require you to think it's true. Educate yourself not by what the crazies say on Facebook or at work, but by what the actual teacher of the school (of thought) has to say. Songs aren't an issue in Christian church, there are usually lyrics available. You just have to sing them and try to participate. When there are readings, listen to them. When the sermon starts, listen and hear how it is interpreted. Also, just because some people in a particular church may believe a story or bible reading a very specific way, I guarantee you not everyone does.

A good question to ask yourself is what DO you know about Christianity? Forget it all; learn it from here (the church your S.O. goes to). Besides there are different forms: Protestant, Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, etc. Then Non-Denominational churches and there aren’t specifics as to how each one will operate or believe. Learn this one's specifics. And then past that you can learn about what it is your partner believes. She's not guaranteed to follow it exactly, but don't get hung up on these specifics. The only specifics that matter are that God makes her happy and YOU make her happy. The two together would simply be awesome to her. Your philosophy be damned. It makes her happy, so it's worth it.